Written by Nicola Richardson, Founder of The People Mentor.
The People Mentor brings over 40 years of real-world management experience to the people challenges small business leaders face every day – practical, no-nonsense support that builds stronger managers and better teams.
This article explores what happens when you feel disliked at work, how to work out whether the problem is real or perception, how DiSC communication styles explain more than you might think, and what to do if the situation does not improve.
Key takeaways from The People Mentor
- Feeling disliked at work is not always about your performance. It can feel deeply personal, even when the real cause is a clash in communication styles.
- Before acting, separate facts from interpretations. What you observed is not always the same as what it means.
- DiSC communication styles explain much of what gets mistaken for dislike. Different wiring creates friction that has nothing to do with you personally.
- If the dynamic is affecting your confidence or your work, staying silent will not help. A calm, specific conversation is nearly always the right move.
- If you have raised it twice with evidence and nothing has changed, stop trying to fix it and start protecting yourself.
- You can control how you show up. You cannot control how someone feels about you.
When Feeling Disliked at Work Starts to Feel Personal
I once worked with a manager who was brilliant at her job. She had been rewriting emails three times before sending them. She was staying silent in meetings, even though she used to contribute constantly, and her confidence was quietly disappearing.
When I asked her what was going on, she said, “I can’t put my finger on it. My boss just doesn’t like me.”
That is the thing about feeling disliked at work. It is not always about performance. It is personal. Or at least, it feels personal. You cannot quite prove it, but it sits in the silences, in the tone someone uses, in the way your ideas land flat when everyone else’s get discussed.
Most people do not go to work wanting to dislike someone. But chemistry matters. Communication styles clash. And sometimes things simply do not click.
When you feel your manager has a problem with you, your brain shifts into what I call threat mode. You start scanning for evidence. Every interaction gets filtered through that lens of fear. A framework I use regularly with clients, Positive Intelligence , describes this as the inner Judge at work. Once it is activated, separating fact from story becomes very difficult.
The first step is to pause and observe rather than react. Ask yourself what you are actually noticing. What is the pattern?
A single curt exchange might sting, but if you are seeing repeated signs – being left out of meetings, ideas being dismissed, warmth being withdrawn- then it is worth looking more closely.
Three things help you stay steady when something feels personal. Clarity helps you understand what is actually happening. Objectivity keeps you out of the drama. And self-regulation gives you the control to respond rather than simply react.
How to test whether it is real
Testing whether feeling disliked at work is real or perception starts with one simple habit: separating what you observed from what you assumed it meant. This is where emotional intelligence meets evidence, and getting it right matters.
Start by observing the data. When do you feel disliked? What happens before and after those moments? Does it happen only in group settings, or one-to-one as well? Do others get the same response from this person, or is it mainly you?
Patterns tell stories, but emotions cloud patterns. I always ask clients to write it down. Not to keep score, but to separate facts from feelings.
“They did not include me in that project” is a fact. “They do not respect me” is an interpretation.
If you work only with interpretations, you spiral. If you work with facts, you can plan what to do next.
What DiSC communication styles explain
Here is something most people miss, and it changes everything when you understand it. What feels like dislike is often a clash in communication style. Understanding this is often the fastest way to stop feeling disliked at work over something that was never personal at all.
I use the DiSC assessment with many of my clients. It is like putting on glasses and suddenly seeing what was always there. I wrote about this in more detail in DiSC and How it Helps You Get the Best Out of Your People. Each style experiences workplace tension differently, and recognising this can stop you taking something personally that was never personal at all.
| DiSC style | How tension often shows up | What it can look like to others |
| D (Dominance) | Direct, fast-paced, focused on results | Can come across as blunt or dismissive |
| i (Influence) | Warm, enthusiastic, people-focused | Can seem overly chatty or avoid direct feedback |
| S (Steadiness) | Patient, loyal, conflict-averse | May withdraw when uncomfortable or processing |
| C (Conscientiousness) | Precise, analytical, quality-driven | Can appear cold or overly critical |
If you have a D style, you might interpret someone’s caution or slower pace as passive resistance or deliberate obstructiveness. But equally, if your manager has a D style, their brevity is not coldness. They are simply moving fast and focusing on output.
If you have an i style, a lack of social warmth can feel like rejection. But not everyone shows they care through enthusiasm. Some people care quietly. If your manager has an i style, they may be warm with everyone by default. That is not favouritism – it is just how they operate.
If you have an S style, you may be reading tension where there is actually just busyness. Your instinct is to withdraw and stay silent, which can make the dynamic worse without either of you realising. If your manager has an S style, they may go quiet when overwhelmed, not when they are unhappy with you specifically.
If you have a C style, you might interpret questions about your work as criticism of your competence. But equally, your preference for precision and logic can read as cold or critical to someone wired differently, even when you are simply trying to get things right.
One diagnostic question is worth sitting with: does this person treat everyone this way, or mainly you? If they are brief with the whole team, that is their style. If they are warm with others but not with you, that is worth exploring. If you want to go deeper on how different styles show up in team dynamics, Embracing Differences to Build a Better Team is a good companion read.
And something else is worth considering. What sometimes reads as dislike is unconscious bias or familiarity bias. People tend to warm more easily to those who communicate as they do. That does not excuse behaviour, but it does explain it. And understanding it gives you options.
Feeling Disliked at Work: When You Need to Be Honest With Yourself
Sometimes the tension is real. That is hard to face, but it is worth sitting with three questions before you try to fix anything. And if the relationship is genuinely difficult rather than just misaligned, 15 Ways to Manage Difficult People may give you some useful angles.
First: is there something in my own behaviour that is triggering this response? Not as self-blame, but as genuine reflection. Maybe you challenge things openly, and they prefer hierarchy. Maybe your pace reads as impatience. Understanding how someone is seeing you can help you adapt without losing who you are.
Second: am I carrying echoes from a previous experience? If you have had a critical or unfair manager before, your body remembers that. You may be scanning for danger that is not actually there.
Third: what energy am I bringing into this? When people feel disliked, they often shrink. They over-apologise, over-explain, and over-perform. That underlying anxiety subtly changes how others respond, and a loop forms. Sometimes what we experience as someone else’s dislike is our own self-doubt being reflected back.
Preparing for the conversation
Once you’ve decided that feeling disliked at work isn’t just in your head, the next step is having the conversation properly, not avoiding it. If the dynamic is affecting your work, your confidence, or your wellbeing, staying silent will not help. If you want a practical framework before you go in, read 9 Essential Tips for Mastering Workplace Crucial Conversations.
Before you have the conversation, regulate first. If you feel a wave of emotion coming, pause. Take a slow breath in for four counts, out for six. Drop your shoulders. Notice your feet on the floor. Name what you are feeling – not to fix it, but to stop it running the show.
Then reframe. Instead of “I have to confront them,” try “I want to understand what is really happening here.” That small shift changes your entire tone.
When you are ready to speak, be specific. Use facts, not feelings.
Some phrases that work well:
To open: “Can I get your feedback on how I am coming across? I think I might be missing something in how we are working together.”
To describe the pattern: “I noticed that in the last two meetings, my suggestions were not discussed. I am wondering whether there is something I am missing.”
To invite a response: “What is your experience of how we are working together?” or “Is there something I have done that has created tension?”
Curiosity opens doors. Accusation closes them.
After you speak, listen. Do not interrupt, even if the response is uncomfortable. Then reflect back: “So you find I come across quite direct in meetings. I had not realised that is how it lands.” Reflection lowers tension and builds trust.
You are not trying to win them over. You are trying to understand the dynamic.
When it is not fixable
Sometimes, despite every effort, nothing shifts. Maybe they are defensive. Maybe they genuinely do not warm to you. That is just reality.
My rule of thumb, which I share with all my clients, is this: if you have raised it twice with evidence and nothing has changed, stop trying to fix it. Start documenting it. That is when you shift from trying to influence the situation to protecting yourself.
You can stay professional without staying stuck. You cannot control how someone feels about you, but you can control how you show up, your professionalism, your tone, and your boundaries.
When your inner critic whispers “It must be me,” name it. Then ask: what might the lesson be here? Maybe it is learning to validate yourself rather than chase approval. Maybe it is a sign you have outgrown this environment.
Not all tension is meant to be resolved. Sometimes it redirects you. Sometimes feeling disliked at work has nothing to do with anything you can fix, and that’s worth accepting rather than fighting.
What to do after the conversation
Whether the conversation went well or not, the learning happens in the debrief. A simple framework I use:
What went well? Even difficult conversations have moments of progress. Maybe you stayed calm when you usually spiral. Maybe you listened without interrupting. Acknowledge what worked because it builds confidence for next time.
What would I do differently? Not as self-criticism, but as honest reflection. Maybe you needed more specifics about the impact. Maybe you needed more time for the conversation. This is about learning, not shame.
What did I learn about myself? This is where real growth lives. You might discover how quickly your inner Judge activates under stress, which DiSC style tends to trigger you, or where your boundaries need to be clearer.
What is the next step? Be concrete. Is there a follow-up conversation needed? Do you need to document something? Is this relationship workable, or is it time to consider other options?
Action without reflection leads to repeated patterns. Reflection without action leads to endless rumination. You need both.
A note for leaders reading this
If you lead a team, pause for a moment here. Could someone on your team feel this way about you right now? Why Being an Understanding Manager is Better for Business explores why this matters more than most leaders realise.
You might believe you are being firm and fair. But they may be experiencing you as distant or disapproving. If someone ever says to you, “I do not think you like me,” breathe before you defend yourself. Ask: “What might I have done that gave you that impression?”
It is rarely about intent. It is almost always about impact.
Leaders create psychological safety not through perfection but through transparency. A single honest conversation can undo months of accumulated tension. And when people believe they can speak up, disagree or make mistakes without fear, these stories of “they do not like me” rarely take root in the first place.
You do not have to like everyone on your team. But you do need to treat everyone with consistent fairness. Because when liking or disliking drives who gets opportunity, trust disappears. And once trust goes, performance follows.
A final thought
When someone does not warm to you, it is easy to take it as a reflection of who you are. But not everyone has earned the right to shape your self-worth.
At The People Mentor, I work with managers who have been carrying the weight of this kind of dynamic for months, sometimes years. The shift always starts with the same question: am I responding from what is actually happening, or from the story I have built around it?
What matters is how you respond. Do you stay grounded, fair, and honest with yourself? Do you keep your sense of self intact?
That is what turns discomfort into something useful. And that is what real leadership looks like.
If you are dealing with a difficult workplace relationship and are not sure where to start, I would be glad to talk it through with you. Visit thepeoplementor.co.uk to find out how I work with managers and senior leaders, or explore The Manager’s Academy for structured, practical support to build your people management skills.