When you want to stop negative self talk, you first need to recognise you’re doing it. You know what? Tom Hanks, Lady Gaga, Howard Schultz. All wildly successful people. All battling the exact same voice in their heads that you are.
That voice that says you’re winging it. That you’ll be found out. That you’re not actually as good as people think you are.
I get it. I’ve been there. Running my business, working with clients, achieving things that should make me feel confident, and still fighting that gnawing feeling that I’m somehow not good enough. That it’s all going to fall apart any second.
Here’s what I’ve learned: that voice isn’t who you are. It’s just a story you’ve been telling yourself. And the brilliant news? Stories can be rewritten.
Recognising Your Inner Script
Think about it for a second. How much negative self talk happens before you even notice it?
“I’m not ready for this.”
“Who am I to do this?”
“Everyone else seems to have it together except me.”
“If they knew the real me, they wouldn’t be impressed.”
These thoughts feel so automatic, so true, that we don’t even question them. We just assume that’s reality.
But actually, it’s just your inner script playing on repeat. And that script? It was written a long time ago, probably by experiences, fears, or beliefs that don’t even serve you anymore.
Carol Dweck calls this a “fixed mindset” – the belief that you’re limited by who you are right now. That your abilities, your worth, your potential – it’s all set in stone.
Except it’s not.
What's Really Driving Your Negative Self Talk
One of the most powerful things I’ve learned through my work is this: those limiting thoughts aren’t coming from your wise, clear-headed self.
They’re coming from internal patterns that sabotage your success and happiness. And they’re sneaky because they actually think they’re helping you.
Let me give you some examples you’ll probably recognise:
Your Inner Critic says things like “I’m such an idiot” or “I always mess things up.” It’s that harsh voice that makes you feel rubbish about yourself.
The Overachiever tells you that your worth depends on achievement and performance. It pushes you to constant productivity whilst stealing your ability to actually enjoy your wins.
The Perfectionist makes you believe that everything needs to be perfect, and anything less than perfect is failure. Good enough is never good enough.
The People Pleaser convinces you that you need to make everyone happy, that your worth comes from being liked and approved of by others.
The Worrier keeps you in constant anxiety mode, obsessing over everything that could go wrong.
Here’s the thing: these patterns aren’t actually protecting you. They’re keeping you stuck. They’re the reason you feel like a fraud even when you’re clearly succeeding. They’re why you can’t accept compliments, why you overwork, why you second-guess yourself constantly.
The Real Cost of Negative Self Talk
When you let these patterns write your inner script, you end up living someone else’s life.
You make choices based on fear, not desire. You chase goals that don’t actually fulfil you. You stay small when you could be expansive.
And the worst part? You waste massive amounts of time and energy.
Think about it. How much mental energy do you spend:
- Worrying about things that never happen (hello, Worrier)
- Obsessing over details that don’t actually matter (Perfectionist, I’m looking at you)
- Trying to make everyone happy whilst neglecting yourself (People Pleaser checking in)
- Pushing for the next achievement without ever feeling satisfied (Overachiever has entered the chat)
That’s not just exhausting. It’s stealing your life from you.
How to Stop Negative Self Talk: 5 Practical Steps
Here’s what most self-help advice gets wrong: they tell you to “think positive” or “believe in yourself” without giving you actual tools to rewire the patterns that keep you stuck.
Learning to stop negative self talk isn’t about slapping affirmations on top of deep-seated beliefs. It’s about:
- Becoming Aware of Your Patterns
You can’t change what you don’t notice.
Start paying attention to those automatic thoughts. When do they show up? What triggers them? Which pattern is running?
Your Inner Critic loves to jump in when you make a mistake. The Overachiever shows up when you’re resting. The People Pleaser kicks in during difficult conversations.
Just noticing them, without judgment, is the first step.
- Questioning the Story
Your internal patterns present their thoughts as facts. “I’m not good enough” feels true. But it’s not a fact. It’s an opinion. A story.
So start questioning it:
- Where’s the evidence?
- Would you say this to a friend?
- Is this thought actually helping you, or is it keeping you stuck?
When my Inner Critic tells me I’m an impostor, I can now recognise it for what it is: a protective mechanism that’s trying to keep me safe from failure by convincing me not to try.
That’s not helpful. That’s limiting.
- Celebrating Your Wins (Yes, Even the Small Ones)
I know, I know. This feels awkward when you’ve spent years downplaying your achievements.
But keeping track of your wins – actually writing them down gives you evidence against your negative patterns.
Your Inner Critic says you never do anything right? Your win list says otherwise.
Your Overachiever says this success doesn’t count because it wasn’t hard enough? Your win list reminds you that success is still success.
- Spending Time With Your Supporters
Find your people. The ones who see you as you actually are, not as your critical inner voice paints you to be.
When you’re spiralling in self-doubt, talk to them. Let them reflect back to you what they see.
And actually listen. Don’t dismiss their praise or compliments. Let them in.
- Choosing a Different Belief
This is where it gets really powerful. You get to choose what you believe about yourself.
Not in a toxic positivity “just think happy thoughts” way. But in a grounded, intentional way.
When your Worrier says “Everything’s going to go wrong,” you can choose to believe “I can handle whatever comes up.”
When your Perfectionist says “This isn’t perfect enough,” you can choose to believe “Good enough is good enough here.”
When your Inner Critic says “I’m not capable,” you can choose to believe “I’m learning and growing.”
It feels weird at first. Your old patterns will fight back. But the more you practise choosing different thoughts, the more natural it becomes
The Neuroscience Behind Why This Works
Here’s what I want you to really hear: you are not limited by your past, your circumstances, your current abilities, or your fears.
Growth is available to you at any age, any stage, any circumstance. The research is clear on this.
But growth doesn’t happen when you’re operating from these limiting patterns. It happens when you get out of survival mode and into your wisest self – that clear, creative part of you that sees possibilities instead of problems.
Your negative patterns keep you focused on threats, limitations, and what could go wrong. Your wisest self helps you focus on opportunities, strengths, and what could go right.
Both are neural pathways in your brain. And whichever one you exercise more gets stronger.
So every time you catch your Inner Critic being harsh, and you choose compassion instead – you’re building new neural pathways.
Every time you notice your Overachiever pushing you to work more, and you choose to rest anyway – you’re rewiring your brain.
Every time your Perfectionist demands perfection, and you submit “good enough” – you’re creating healthier patterns.
This is the work. Not overnight transformation. Not a magic pill. Just consistent, intentional practice of noticing your limiting patterns and choosing something different.
What Life Looks Like When You Stop Negative Self Talk
I spent years living from these limiting patterns. Deriving my worth from perfectionism and people pleasing. Paralysed by procrastination because I didn’t believe I could do it. Living in fear that everyone would see through me and realise I was winging it.
And I can tell you from lived experience: life on the other side of that is so much lighter.
I still have those voices. They haven’t gone away. But I can spot them now. I can hear my Inner Critic criticising me and think “Oh, there you are again. Thanks for trying to protect me, but I don’t need this right now.”
I can feel my Overachiever pushing me to do more and choose to rest instead.
I can notice my Perfectionist demanding perfection and decide that good enough is good enough.
This isn’t about becoming someone different. It’s about becoming more fully yourself. The you that exists underneath all those protective mechanisms and limiting beliefs.
The you that knows you’re capable, worthy, and enough – exactly as you are.
Ready to Rewrite Your Inner Script?
Look, I get that reading a blog post isn’t going to magically rewire decades of neural pathways. Real change takes real work.
But you don’t have to figure it out alone.
My Rewrite Your Inner Script course walks you through exactly how to identify your limiting patterns, understand where they came from, challenge their narratives, and build new, empowering beliefs that actually serve you.
