If you’re dealing with a coworker who undermines you, not sharing information, taking credit, making you look bad in front of others, this article is for you. It covers how to tell the difference between simple competitiveness and a genuine pattern worth addressing, and exactly how to approach the conversation.
Key takeaways from The People Mentor
- Dealing with a coworker who undermines you starts with distinguishing genuine undermining from normal workplace competitiveness.
- Small acts of undermining behaviour matter less individually than they do as a repeated pattern.
- Most people delay this conversation out of fear of seeming petty, which usually makes things worse, not better.
- Addressing it directly and early is almost always less difficult than the version you’ve rehearsed in your head.
- If direct conversation doesn’t resolve it, involving your manager is a reasonable next step, not a failure.
Why Dealing With a Coworker Who Undermines You Feels So Hard to Raise
One complaint I hear often from the people I work with is a coworker who undermines them, quietly, repeatedly, and in ways that are hard to point to as any single obvious incident.
At the very least, this can leave someone feeling isolated and ignored. In more serious cases, it affects mental health and can even push someone toward leaving a job they’d otherwise have wanted to keep. Two things tend to hold people back from raising it. First, distinguishing genuine undermining from simple competitive behaviour, which is normal in most workplaces and doesn’t need a formal conversation. Second, worrying that mentioning it will make them look petty, or that it’ll get dismissed as a personality clash.
How to Tell the Difference Between Competitiveness and a Genuine Pattern
Small acts of undermining behaviour, a comment left out of an email, credit quietly reassigned in a meeting, rarely look serious in isolation. That’s exactly what makes them hard to raise.
The distinction that matters isn’t the size of any single incident. It’s whether the behaviour repeats. A single missed piece of information might be an oversight. The same pattern happening across several projects, from the same person, is no longer competitiveness, it’s a pattern that deserves a direct conversation.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Dealing with a coworker who undermines you often means recognising signs like being left off emails you should be copied into, information deliberately withheld before a meeting, or your contributions quietly minimised in front of others. None of these need to happen dramatically to count. They just need to keep happening.
How to Approach the Conversation When a Coworker Undermines You
Yes, it will be a difficult conversation. It’s still far better to address it directly than to let it continue unspoken.
Start with a specific, recent example rather than a general accusation. “I noticed I wasn’t copied into the client update last week, and that’s happened a few times now” is easier for the other person to respond to than “you’re undermining me.” State what you’ve noticed, ask directly what’s going on, and give them room to respond before assuming the worst about their intent.
Here’s a quick reference for common situations and how to approach each one.
| What’s happening | Why it’s worth raising | How to open the conversation |
|---|---|---|
| Information withheld before a meeting | Repeated pattern affects your ability to do the job well | “I noticed I didn’t have the latest figures before the meeting. Can we make sure that’s shared earlier next time?” |
| Credit quietly reassigned | Affects how your contribution is seen by others | “I wanted to check in about the update I sent, it didn’t come through in the summary you shared.” |
| Being left off relevant emails | Isolates you from information you need | “I’ve noticed I’m not being copied on a few threads I’d expect to be part of. Can we sort that out?” |
| Comments that undercut you in meetings | Damages how the team perceives your work | Address it privately afterwards, not in the room, with a specific example |
When to Involve Your Manager
If you’ve raised it directly, more than once, and the pattern continues, it’s reasonable to involve your manager rather than keep absorbing it alone.
This isn’t an admission of failure. Some dynamics genuinely need a third party to help resolve them, particularly if the coworker denies there’s an issue or the behaviour is subtle enough to be hard to prove alone. Bring specific examples when you do, dates, what happened, and what you’ve already tried, so the conversation with your manager is as concrete as the one you had about a coworker who undermines you in the first place.
If this kind of dynamic is a recurring pattern in your working life, not just a one-off, Conversations Catalyst Coaching offers focused, one-to-one support for exactly this kind of situation. For further reading on workplace conflict, the CIPD has useful guidance on managing difficult relationships at work.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my coworker denies undermining me when I raise it? Stick to specific, factual examples rather than the word “undermining” itself. Denial is common, but a clear pattern of dated examples is harder to dismiss than a general accusation.
Should I document incidents before raising this? Yes, especially if the pattern has been going on for a while. A few dated, specific examples make both the direct conversation and any later manager involvement far more effective.
Is it ever just office politics I should ignore? Occasionally, yes, particularly for genuinely minor, one-off moments. The distinction is whether it’s a repeated pattern or a single incident. If it keeps happening, it’s worth raising.
What if the person undermining me is more senior? The same principles apply, though tone matters more. Focus on specific, observed impact on your work rather than framing it as a personal complaint, and involve your manager sooner if direct conversation feels genuinely risky.
A Final Thought
Dealing with a coworker who undermines you rarely gets easier by staying quiet. The version of the conversation you’ve been avoiding is almost always harder in your head than it is in reality.
Address it directly, specifically, and early, and most of these situations resolve with far less drama than you’d expect. If it’s become a recurring pattern rather than a one-off, Conversations Catalyst Coaching gives you focused, one-to-one support to work through it properly.