Hosted by Nicola Richardson, Founder of The People Mentor.
The People Mentor helps small employers, managers and leaders handle difficult conversations, strengthen accountability and lead with calm, practical confidence.
Nicola draws on 40 plus years of experience working with managers and leaders to explain the psychology behind superior behaviour at work, and the practical steps you can take to change the dynamic without losing your professionalism or your composure.
Hi, I’m Nicola from The People Mentor. If you are a manager dealing with this in your team, you might find our guide to difficult conversations in the workplace useful too.This episode explores what it looks and feels like when someone acts superior to you at work – why they behave that way, what’s really driving it, and how to respond when someone consistently makes you feel small, dismissed or less than.
In this episode, Nicola explores:
- Why people act superior at work, and why it is almost never really about you
- The difference between genuine confidence and superiority used as a defence mechanism
- The tell-tale signs: entitlement, mood swings, self-centred storytelling, and the need for control
- How to have the conversation directly with someone whose behaviour is affecting you
- When to involve your manager and exactly what to say when you do
- Why staying calm and specific is more effective than reacting emotionally
Key takeaways from The People Mentor:
- Superior behaviour at work is almost always rooted in insecurity, not genuine confidence – understanding that changes how you respond to it
- You cannot change another person’s behaviour, but you can control how you engage with them
- Address it early and specifically – the longer it is left unnamed, the harder it becomes to resolve
- Staying calm and keeping to facts is more powerful than reacting emotionally
- If you have tried everything and nothing has changed, involving your manager is the right next step – not a sign of weakness
“The person who acts superior to you is usually struggling with something they cannot name. That does not make the behaviour acceptable — but it does make it something you can work with rather than something you have to absorb. Nicola Richardson, The People Mentor
How to Work with a Person Who Is Acting Superior to You
Working with colleagues who act superior, if you are not careful can lead to all kinds of emotions. It can spark anger, a feeling of insecurity and anxiety.
Often those type of people believe they know more than they really do and believe they are better than you. But sometimes it is just a bravado act to cover up deep insecurities.
Or it can be because they spot mistakes and genuinely are trying to help but it comes across the wrong way.
So, in reality it is a defence mechanism as they perceive you or the person they are dealing with as a threat. Often because they see themselves as inadequate. Often superior people are overcompensating for those feelings.
Often they get their self-worth from outside sources. You will often find that they won’t take ownership of mistakes. And they can have mood swings as their sense of inadequacy swings into action.
Another to note is that the Superior person will come across as self-centred and can be heard sharing their exploits when others are talking about theirs. Through the discussion they will use the situation to reinforce how they have coped with more, done more and so on.
When discussing situations and events you’ll often hear them say things like well they seemed to be listening to me more, or I felt the attendees were more engaged with me, but you did well!
You can also detect an air of entitlement. Often it stems from being given everything as a child but not necessarily a caring childhood.
They usually like to be the ones in control and will get quite unkind if they don’t feel as if they are or if they are being undermined.
The one thought to note is that this person behaving superior to you is usually struggling with emotional anguish and it’s not about you.
| What you might notice | What it usually means | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| They talk over you or dismiss your ideas in meetings | They feel threatened by your contribution | Don’t react in the moment – address it one-to-one afterwards |
| They compare their achievements to yours, always favourably | Their self-worth depends on being seen as the best | Don’t engage with the comparison – redirect to the task |
| They claim more expertise or experience than they have | Insecurity masked as authority | Ask clarifying questions rather than challenging directly |
| Warm one-to-one but dismissive in front of others | Status and audience are driving the behaviour | Address it privately, not publicly |
| They get unkind when they are not in control | Control is their primary coping mechanism | Give small wins where it does not matter; hold firm where it does |
How to Work with a Person Who Is Acting Superior to You
Here are some tips on how to work with a person who is acting superior to you.
Firstly if it is really bothering you then ask yourself why. Are you concerned that they are showing you up? Or is it because you want to be the one deciding actions?
Then look at what you can do to build the relationship. Perhaps they don’t trust you to do the good job needed. Create opportunities to discuss the way forward and if it comes down to it then tell the person how you feel. If you need support preparing for that conversation, the Workplace Conversation Kickstart gives you a focused session to plan exactly what to say.But own it and keep the emotion if possible out of the discussion. If you want a clear structure for that conversation rather than winging it, Making Difficult Conversations Easier walks you through exactly how to prepare for it. Keep to specifics. Remember to keep positive wherever you can, compliment the person when they do something that stands out to you and wherever possible ignore the small comments.
The other thing is to have the conversation when the situation arises, don’t leave it. Say something like “Thank you for your thoughts. I do feel confident in what I am doing. However if I get stuck I will ask the team for help and I will include you as part of the team.”
The third point is not to take this personally, as if you observe you will see others going through the same and probably even feeling the same way as you. You won’t change these relationships by trying to control the other person’s behaviour, but what you can do is adapt yourself in these circumstances. The thing is we can place our energy into blaming and deriding someone or we can use it to work out how to find a more productive means of interaction with the person.
And lastly, if you have done all of this and it’s not improving go and talk to your Manager discussing opportunities for you to take ownership and contribute more in projects and meetings. You could say, “I’d like to take the lead on these areas: What steps do I need to take?” Your boss then knows your co-worker isn’t the only person wanting opportunities and potentially alerts them to the team dynamics going on. If you’re the manager trying to balance these dynamics across a whole team, The Manager’s Academy covers exactly this kind of day-to-day people management.
If after all that nothing changes, then if you don’t want to change jobs, look for opportunities across the business and offer to learn and try other aspects.
At The People Mentor, I use the COMPASS Conversation Model to help people prepare for exactly these moments – so that when you decide to speak up, you know what to say, how to say it, and how to stay calm while you’re saying it.
If you’ve read this far, there’s a good chance you’re managing or working alongside someone who makes every interaction feel like a power struggle. Someone who dismisses your ideas, talks over you, or makes you feel like you need to justify yourself constantly.
That kind of dynamic is exhausting. And it rarely resolves itself.
Inside Conversations Catalyst, I work with Leaders one-to-one over three months on exactly these situations – the difficult personalities, the entrenched behaviours, the conversations that feel impossible before you’ve even started them.
It’s private mentoring for Leaderss who want practical support with the real stuff, not textbook theory.
If you’re ready to stop dreading these interactions and start feeling more in control of them, find out more about Conversations Catalyst here. ⬇️
I hope you enjoyed this podcast, and I’ll see you next time.
For further reading on workplace behaviour, the CIPD has useful guidance on managing conflict at work
This is The People Mentor signing off.
About Nicola Richardson
Nicola Richardson is the founder of The People Mentor, a people management consultancy that helps managers and leaders have the conversations they’ve been avoiding and get better results because of it.
With over 40 years of hands-on experience leading and developing people across a range of organisations, Nicola knows what it actually feels like to manage a team, handle a difficult situation, and get it wrong before getting it right.
She’s the creator of the COMPASS Conversation Model, a practical, time-tested framework that gives managers a clear structure for navigating even the most challenging workplace conversations with confidence. Her programmes are part of the CPD-accredited route, and she’s helped hundreds of managers across the UK stop dreading difficult conversations and start owning them.
Nicola works with SME business owners, senior leaders, and managers who want real, practical support, not theory.
You can find out more about working with Nicola at thepeoplementor.co.uk.