Hi, I’m Nicola from The People Mentor. If you’re searching for examples of undermining behaviour at work, you’re likely dealing with a colleague or manager who makes you feel small, dismissed or constantly second-guessed. Today I want to help you understand why this happens and exactly what to do about it.
Examples of Undermining Behaviour at Work and Why It Happens.
It can spark anger, a feeling of insecurity and anxiety.
Often those types of people believe they know more than they really do and believe they are better than you. But sometimes it is just a bravado act to cover up deep insecurities.
Or it can be because they spot mistakes and genuinely are trying to help but it comes across the wrong way.
So, in reality, it is a defence mechanism as they perceive you or the person they are dealing with as a threat. Often because they see themselves as inadequate. Often superior people are overcompensating for those feelings.
Often they get their self-worth from outside sources. You will often find that they won’t take ownership of mistakes. They can have mood swings as their sense of inadequacy swings into action
Another to note is that the Superior person will come across as self-centred and can be heard sharing their exploits when others are talking about theirs. Through the discussion, they will use the situation to reinforce how they have coped with more, done more and so on.
When discussing situations and events:
You’ll often hear them say things like well they seemed to be listening to me more, or I felt the attendees were more engaged with me, but you did well!
You can also detect an air of entitlement. Often it stems from being given everything as a child but not necessarily a caring childhood.
They usually like to be the ones in control and will get quite unkind if they don’t feel as if they are or if they are being undermined.
The one thought to note is that this person behaving superior to you is usually struggling with emotional anguish and it’s not about you.
How to Respond When a Colleague Makes You Feel Small.
Firstly if it is really bothering you then ask yourself why.
Are you concerned that they are showing you up?
Or is it because you want to be the one deciding actions?
Then look at what you can do to build the relationship.
Perhaps they don’t trust you to do the good job needed.
Create opportunities to discuss the way forward and if it comes down to it then tell the person how you feel. But own it and keep the emotion if possible out of the discussion.
Keep to specifics.
Remember to keep positive wherever you can, compliment the person when they do something that stands out to you and wherever possible ignore the small comments.
The other thing is to have the conversation when the situation arises, don’t leave it.
Say something like” Thank you for your thoughts. I do feel confident in what I am doing. However, if I get stuck I will ask the team for help and I will include you as part of the team.”
The third point is to not take this personally, as if you observe you will see others going through the same and probably even feeling the same way as you. Recognising examples of undermining behaviour at work is the first step — responding with calm confidence is what changes the dynamic.
So the lesson here is you won’t change these relationships by trying to control the other person’s behaviour, but what you can do is adapt yourself in these circumstances.
The thing is we can place our energy into blaming and deriding someone or we can use it to work out how to find a more productive means of interaction with the person.
And lastly, if you have done all of this and it’s not improving go and talk to your Manager to discuss opportunities for you to take ownership and contribute more to projects and meetings.
You could say, “I’d like to take the lead on these areas: What steps do I need to take?”
Your boss then knows your co-worker isn’t the only person wanting opportunities and potentially alerts them to the team dynamics going on.
If after all that nothing changes, then if you don’t want to change jobs, look for opportunities across the business and offer to learn and try other aspects.
If you’ve read this far, there’s a good chance you’re managing or working alongside someone who makes every interaction feel like a power struggle. Someone who dismisses your ideas, talks over you, or makes you feel like you need to justify yourself constantly.
That kind of dynamic is exhausting. And it rarely resolves itself.
Inside The Managers Academy, I work with managers every month on exactly these situations – the difficult personalities, the entrenched behaviours, the conversations that feel impossible before you’ve even started them. It’s a monthly membership for managers who want practical support with the real stuff, not textbook theory.
£37 a month. No long-term commitment and cancel any time.
If you’re ready to stop dreading these interactions and start feeling more in control of them, find out more about The Managers Academy here.
I hope you enjoyed this podcast, and I’ll see you next time.
For further reading on workplace behaviour, the CIPD has useful guidance on managing conflict at work
This is The People Mentor signing off.