Hi, I’m Nicola from the People Mentor. Let’s talk about one of the most awkward situations you face as a senior manager when employees come to you complaining about their boss. I know this one inside and out because I’ve been on both sides of it. I’ve had people come crying to me about their managers, and I’ve also supported other leaders when they’ve been dealing with these complaints.
How do you addess employee complaints?
So what do you do when someone comes to you saying they’re not happy with how their manager is treating them? Perhaps they think their boss has been unfair, or they’re just fed up with their behaviour. It’s a difficult situation that needs handling carefully. After 33 years of managing teams, I can tell you these complaints can spiral into massive problems.
If you get it wrong, team morale can go down the path. And productivity tends to drop. I’ve had people come to me in floods of tears because they felt their manager wasn’t listening to them. I’ve dealt with situations where entire teams were fed up because of rubbish management. These aren’t easy conversations to have, but you can sort them out if you know what you’re doing, and that’s what I’m going to share with you today.
I’ll give you the practical steps you need when someone raises concern about their manager. We will look at what to do first, how to investigate properly, and this is the important bit, how to keep relationships intact throughout the whole process. Here’s the thing, how you handle these situation shows your team what kind of leader you really are.
When you get it right, you build trust, but when you get it wrong, you lose good people. Let me tell you something personal. Many years ago, I was really struggling with my own manager. Things got so bad that I ended up crying in the toilets because work felt awful. I finally plucked up the courage to speak with the office manager.
I specifically asked him to keep it between us. I was already feeling really vulnerable. The last thing I needed was my manager finding out and making things worse. The next day I walked into work and my manager was giving me the silent treatment. They would only communicate with me through notes left on my desk.
My trust felt as if it had been completely betrayed, and instead of things getting better, the relationship had deteriorated. Over my years of leading teams, I’ve seen this same story play out in different ways.
Here are the most common complaints I hear about managers.
- My manager checks up on everything I do.
- I can’t make a cup of tea without them wanting to know about it.
- They’ve got their favourites in the team.
- Some people get all the interesting projects while the rest of us get the boring stuff.
- My manager takes the credit when things go well, but throws me under the bus when they don’t.
- They never tell me how I’m doing until my annual review.
- Then suddenly everything I’ve done all year is wrong, and I’ve certainly experienced that one.
- My manager makes inappropriate comments in meetings. It makes everyone cringe.
- And the final one, nothing I do is ever good enough. They keep changing what they want and I never know where I stand.
I bet you’ve heard similar moans in your business.
These situations are complicated ’cause there are often different versions of what’s happened, lots of emotions flying around, and sometimes people remember things differently. So first things first. If someone’s brave enough to come to you with concerns about the manager, that’s a big deal. They’re taking a risk.
They’re probably feeling anxious, worried about what might happen, and not sure if speaking up was the right thing to do.
So let’s talk about what you need to do when someone brings a complaint to you about their manager. The very first thing I want you to do is thank them for coming to you. I know it sounds a simple thing, but acknowledging their courage matters.
How to React when an Employee Complains to You
When I was managing teams, I’d say, “thanks for bringing this to me. It must have been really difficult for you to speak up“.
Next. Don’t jump straight in with solutions or making judgements. I know it’s tempting, especially when you’re running a business and you want to fix things quickly, but take a breath.
The way you respond in that first conversation sets a tone for everything that follows.
So here’s what you need to do next. Listen properly. Let them tell you what’s happened without interrupting them. Ensure you take notes as this shows you’re taking it seriously and helps you remember everything accurately.
Ask questions if you need to, but don’t lead them or make assumptions. Be honest about confidentiality. You might need to say something like, “I’ll keep this as confidential as I can, but I might need to discuss some things with relevant people to sort this out properly.”
Write everything down and I mean, everything dates, times, who was there, what was said.
This isn’t just paperwork for the sake of it. It’s about protecting everyone and making sure you get a clear understanding and record. Set expectations about what happens next. Don’t promise things you can’t keep, and be clear about the next steps. So you could say, “I need some time to think about what you’ve told me. Can we meet again on Thursday to discuss how we’ll move forward?”
When I was leading teens through difficult situations, I learned that you need to be thorough. Quick, letting things drag on just makes everyone more anxious. Now it’s time to plan your meetings carefully. You’ll need to speak with the person who made the complaint, the manager involved, anyone who witnessed what happened, anyone else who might know something relevant.
And here’s a tip I’ve learned. Schedule those meetings close together. The longer you leave between conversations, the more chance there is of office gossip spreading. When you’re asking questions, keep them open. “Can you tell me what happened? How did that make you feel? What did you do next? Who else was there? What evidence do you have that you could share for what you are telling me?“
Don’t ask leading questions like, “don’t you think that was unfair or surely you could see that would upset people?” Let me share what I’ve learned about gathering evidence fairly. You need to collect. emails or other written stuff, records of meetings or conversations, any relevant policies, performance reviews or feedback work schedules, if they’re relevant, and any other paperwork that backs up or contradicts the complaint.
Avoiding Bias When Handling an Employee Complaint
One of the hardest parts is actually avoiding bias. I first started investigating complaints. I had to keep checking myself. Was I being influenced by what I already knew about the other person? My own management style, office gossip and personal relationships in the team. Remember, you are not judge and jury.
Your job is about gathering information objectively and work out what happened. Make sure you take proper notes during the meetings. Ask the same core questions to everyone and give everyone equal time to share their side. Follow up on points, people raise and look for patterns rather than one-off incidents.
A word of warning here. If you uncover serious misconduct or legal issues during your investigation, stop and get professional HR or legal advice. I’ve seen small employers get into hot water trying to handle everything themselves without the full knowledge of employment law. I’m going to share the pitfalls I’ve seen over my career when handling complaints about managers.
I’ve either made these mistakes myself or watched others make them the biggest mistake not acting quickly enough.
- I’ve seen employers hope issuers will just sort themselves out. They rarely do.
- Another major pitfall is taking sides too early. Even if you think you know what’s happened or you get on really well with a manager involved, you need to stay neutral.
Here are other common traps I’ve seen ignoring the emotional side of things. These situations affect everyone from the person complaining, the manager involved. And often the whole team. I’ve seen productivity, nose dive, and good people leave because emotions weren’t properly managed. Poor communication during the process, keeping people in the dark creates anxiety and gossip and why You can’t share everything with everyone.
People need appropriate updates. You might say something like, I know this is taking time. I want you to know we’re following the proper process.
Another one is breaking confidentiality. This happens more often than you might think, especially in small businesses where everyone knows each other, but gossip, destroys trust, and makes situations much worse.
Another one is not writing things down properly. I know paperwork is boring, but I’ve seen situations spiral out of control because conversations and decision weren’t properly documented. And as a union rep, I saw many cases lost by managers because they hadn’t properly documented.
Not following through is another one. So sometimes employers make promises during investigations, but then they fail to deliver. This damages your credibility and makes future issues harder to handle. The key is recognising that handing these situations well isn’t just about solving the immediate problem. It’s about building trust in your leadership.
Now with a manager being complained about, this is really delicate. They’re probably shocked, angry, or defensive. Give them time to process the information. Be clear about the concerns that have been raised, but don’t reveal unnecessary details about who said what. Remember, this is likely to trigger their emotions too.
I’ll never forget one manager saying to me, “I feel like my whole leadership style is being questioned.” That’s a natural reaction. Help them understand this is about specific behaviors or incidents, not an attack on them as a person.
Preparing for These Difficult Conversations When Dealing with Employee Complaints
One practical tip is do prepare for these conversations. Write down your key points.
Think about how people could react and how you’ll handle it. This isn’t about scripting everything, but making sure you are ready for different scenarios. The goal isn’t just to resolve the immediate issue, it’s to maintain professional relationships and team morale throughout the process. Now let’s talk about resolution because how you handle this final stage can make or break team morale.
Throughout my career managing teams, I’ve learned that solution isn’t just about reaching a decision, it’s about how you implement changes and rebuild relationships. Based on your investigation, you’ll typically clear face one of these scenarios.
The complaint is upheld, so you’ll need to be clear with the manager about what needs to change.
You’ll need to set specific measurable improvements, and you need to provide some support and training where needed, and you need to create a timeline for review, and you need to write down everything that’s been agreed and share it.
If a complaint isn’t upheld, this also needs careful handling. You’ll need to explain the decision clearly, address any underlying issues, look at what really has caused this misunderstanding, and consider if any changes would help prevent future issues.
Sometimes it’s simply not black and white. You might find both parties need to adjust their approach, but here’s what many employers miss. You need to follow up systematically. So, I would schedule check-ins at one week, one month, three months. This helps make sure changes stick and shows everyone that you’re serious about improvement.
Monitoring is vital. Now. You need to watch out for signs of retaliation or distress. changes in team dynamics, any impact on performance and any backsliding into old behaviours. This is at a point where you also need to acknowledge as they make improvements that they’ve, they’ve made these changes and really reinforce how good this is to see.
A good resolution process builds trust in your leadership and shows everyone that speaking up leads to positive change.
- So, creating open communication channels matters very much to.
- Consider regular team meetings.
- Anonymous feedback options and clear escalation processes and open door policies that actually work.
One practical tip I give to employers is to create a culture where it’s okay to speak up early about small issues. This prevents them from building into formal complaints. Remember, your managers need support too. They’re often caught between senior managers’ expectations and the team’s need. Give them clear guidelines, regular support sessions, access to mentoring and tools and resources to succeed.
So prevention isn’t just about avoiding problems, it’s about building a stronger, more resilient team. Remember that story I shared at the start the one where I ended up getting notes from my manager. That experience taught me exactly how not to handle these situations. It showed me how it feels when things go wrong, but it also taught me something valuable.
We can learn from difficult situations and use them to become better leaders. If you are currently dealing with complaints about your managers, don’t struggle alone. Get support, get advice, use the resources available to you. Speaking of support. If you’d like help developing your management team’s communication skills, or creating a more positive workplace culture, let’s talk.
My Manager’s Academy membership gives you access to tools, training, and support to handle these situations confidently. You can find out more at thepeoplementor.co.uk, or you can connect with me on LinkedIn. Remember, it’s not just about solving problems. It’s about building stronger teams and better businesses.
This is Nicola from the People Mentor. Thank you for listening. I will see you at the next episode. Take care.
