I’ve worked with many managers over the years, and there’s one thing I hear repeatedly. Not at first, because people rarely say it outright, but eventually, once we’ve built a bit of trust.
“I knew I needed to have that conversation. I just kept hoping it would sort itself out.”
It doesn’t sort itself out. It never does. And meanwhile, the business (their team, their reputation, their own well-being) quietly starts to pay the price.
If you’re a leader or manager who’s currently avoiding a conversation you know you need to have, this post is for you.
The single biggest difference you can make to your business right now might not be a new strategy, a new hire, or a new system. It might be having the conversation you’ve been putting off for weeks.
Avoidance is a Decision, and it Has Consequences
I don’t say that to be harsh. I say it because I spent over 33 years in management, leading teams of up to 70 people, and I know how easy it is to convince yourself that you’re waiting for the right moment or giving them a chance to improve on their own.
But here’s what avoidance looks like in practice. Performance issues that should have been addressed at three months are still going at nine. Two team members whose bickering started as minor friction are now affecting the whole team’s output. An employee whose sick absence began to pattern three months ago has now set a precedent because nothing was said.
I estimate that unaddressed workplace issues cost small employers upwards of 200 hours a year in lost productivity, team tension, and management time spent firefighting. That’s a conservative figure, and it doesn’t account for the emotional toll on you as the leader.
This builds on something I explore in depth when I talk about why managers avoid difficult conversations. The avoidance itself often comes from a very understandable place. Fear of making things worse. Fear of damaging a relationship. Fear of not knowing what to say. These are human responses, not weaknesses. But they do need addressing.
The real investment your business needs to make a difference
There’s a reason the original version of this blog was written during a period of economic uncertainty. Uncertainty makes people pause. It makes them hold back investment (in technology, in people, in processes) because the future feels unclear.
What I’ve learned is that the businesses and leaders who come through uncertainty strongest are the ones who keep investing in their people. Not in spite of the difficult conversations, but through them.
Addressing a performance issue is an investment. Having an honest conversation with a team member who isn’t following your direction is an investment. Sitting down with two employees who can’t seem to get along and working through it constructively. That’s an investment too.
The businesses that grow are the ones where the leader is willing to have the conversations that feel uncomfortable. Communication is the backbone of every team, every culture, and every result.
I often work with leaders who came into management expecting to develop people, build great teams, and drive results, only to find themselves constantly firefighting instead. If that resonates, I’d encourage you to read more about why difficult conversations training changes this dynamic, because once you have the skills, the firefighting significantly reduces.
Two underused tools that get your team talking to make the difference in your business
Before we even get to the difficult one-to-one conversations, there’s a type of conversation a lot of managers skip entirely: the bigger, team-wide discussion about where things are heading and what’s getting in the way.
Two tools I’ve used brilliantly for this, and that genuinely open up conversations that wouldn’t happen otherwise, are a PESTLE and a SWOT.
Now, before your eyes glaze over, hear me out. Most people experience these as dry strategy exercises done in a boardroom with a flip chart and forgotten about by lunchtime. But run them well, particularly with your team involved, and they become some of the most honest, productive conversations you can have.
A PESTLE (Political, Economic, Social, Technological, Legal, Environmental) helps your team look outward together. It creates a natural space to talk about changes coming down the line, pressures the business is feeling, and where people might be worried. Those are conversations employees are often having with each other informally (in the car park, in the kitchen) but rarely with you. A PESTLE gives them permission.
A SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) then turns that lens inward. Run it as a proper workshop rather than a manager-led exercise and you’ll often be surprised what comes out. People will tell you what’s not working: the processes that create waste, the dynamics that are holding the team back, the ideas they’ve been sitting on. You just have to create the conditions for them to say it.
Both exercises work best when employees feel genuinely included, not just consulted for show. The conversations they spark can surface issues that have been simmering for months, in a constructive, forward-looking way rather than a blame-driven one.
And here’s where it connects to the harder conversations. When you understand what your team is dealing with (the pressures they’re feeling, the frustrations they’re carrying, the things they think aren’t working) you’re in a much stronger position to address performance issues, behaviour patterns, or team tensions with real context behind you. You’re not going in blind. You’re going in informed.
This is something I explore more when I talk about the importance of trust before talk, because the groundwork you lay through open team conversations like these makes the individual difficult conversations considerably easier.
What actually helps when it gets personal: a structured approach to make the difference
One of the things I hear most from managers who’ve attended my training or worked with me through my Catalyst Conversations coaching programme is that what they needed wasn’t more confidence. It was a structure. A clear framework that told them how to approach the conversation so they didn’t have to improvise under pressure.
That’s exactly why I developed the COMPASS Conversation Model. It gives you a step-by-step process for handling even the most sensitive workplace discussions, from creating psychological safety at the start (so the other person doesn’t go straight into fight-or-flight) through to securing clear, time-bound next steps at the end.
The COMPASS model covers:
Understanding why your people behave the way they do
Another layer that makes a huge difference (and one I incorporate into my work with managers) is understanding communication styles. I’m certified in DiSC assessments, and I use them because they help leaders understand why a conversation that works with one person falls completely flat with another.
Someone with a dominant, task-focused style needs you to be direct and get to the point quickly. Someone more cautious and analytical needs time, data, and to feel that you’ve thought things through. If you’re approaching every difficult conversation the same way, you’re likely making some of them much harder than they need to be.
This connects directly to something I explore when talking about how to adapt your communication style as a manager, because once you understand why people respond the way they do, it becomes much easier to plan conversations that actually land.
- Create safety: setting the right conditions before a word is said
- Observe: sticking to facts, not interpretations
- Manage emotions and motives (yours and theirs)
- Present impact: explaining what the issue is actually costing
- Ask for perspective: genuinely listening before you problem-solve
- Suggest solutions: working towards outcomes together
- Secure action: ending with specific, time-bound next steps (not vague hopes)
That last point, securing action, is where most managers let themselves down. A conversation that ends with ‘let’s see how things go’ isn’t a difficult conversation. It’s an escape route for both parties. And it means you’ll be having the same conversation again in six weeks.
What about when the anxiety kicks in?
I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t acknowledge this. Most of the managers I work with know what they need to do, but they just can’t seem to make themselves do it. The anxiety about the conversation can feel bigger than the conversation itself.
There’s a neuroscience explanation for this, which I go into detail on in my content about the psychology of pre-conversation anxiety. In short, your brain treats anticipated social conflict in a similar way to physical threat. Your amygdala fires. Your thinking brain goes offline. And suddenly you can’t remember any of the careful preparation you did.
That’s why emotional regulation and preparation are built into the COMPASS model: not as an afterthought, but as a foundation. The conversation you have when you’re calm, grounded, and clear is a completely different one to the conversation you have when you’re dysregulated and on the back foot.
Difficult conversation skills are learnable. They are not a personality trait you either have or don’t. With the right structure and support, most managers can transform how they handle these situations, and the difference it makes to their team, their business, and their own mental load is significant.
Where do you go from here?
If you’re reading this and thinking ‘yes, this is me’: there are a few ways I can help.
My Making Difficult Conversations Easier training programme gives you the tools, frameworks, and practice you need to handle challenging workplace discussions with clarity and confidence. It includes the COMPASS Conversation Model, DiSC insight, and practical techniques for managing the emotional side of these conversations.
If you’d like something more tailored, my Catalyst Conversations coaching programme works with you one-to-one to address the specific conversations you’re facing and build your capability over time.
And if you’re not sure where to start, the best first step is to book an exploratory call. We’ll talk through what’s going on in your team and I’ll help you see the clearest path forward.
The conversation you’re avoiding is the one your business needs you to have. The longer it waits, the more it costs: in time, in trust, and in your own headspace.